I know that I can never figure it all out. The only perfect way is the one with twist turns, stops, shortcuts, bruises.......it is in the living of life that we exist after all. I have always loved the poem "Birches" by Robert Frost. In this season of life, I feel comforted by these words.
"So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:"
Separately, in this season of homeschool, I do not cling to any one belief or philosophy. I am finding the power and strength of what works for now. I am finding the balance of striving and contentment. We sat down today and had tea time and poetry. Dillan thanked me at bedtime, for this little pleasure. He is so thoughtful. We will weave it into our week and maybe more often than I first thought.
I have tried to balance letting the kids lead and still guiding. It is why Dillan learned his alphabet in kindergarten and how to count to 100 in his own time. Anytime I feel pressured to make him, myself, anyone preform. I stop myself and ask, WHY. It is a question I forget to ask still, some days. Why push, why pressure ourselves, why is this particular idea important? What is it representing? Is it important for this vision I am having or is the idea achievable some other way?
We were fortunate to have a teacher that understood his personality and learning style. She was instrumental in helping him feel like an empowered learner and not a railroaded bystander. I am grateful. This year, I have watched him grow into a strong reader. He still delights in the fascination of books- fiction and non-fiction. I pat myself and him on the back. It was in his time. He is, also, a great big brother. ;)

It is why when Ellie asks to do school work and strives to do what big brother is, I cringe a little inside. I want her to find her own strength, her own abilities, in her own time... and she will and she won't. And so, I make her little boxes of work and things to help her along in her goals. Letting her lead, but trying to guide. She loves her work. I am glad. It is my hope that she always sees her value in who she is and not what she does or doesn't do. This is one of her favorites. The other one- I trade out the numbers for sand-paper letters and put a little dry erase magnet board with magnet letters to trace.
I may also be ready for a spa day this weekend after re-reading this post :)